love from the archives

a few days ago, a friend of mine told me that he always thought that i was 'asexual' - so interested in career that romance and matters of the heart would be of no importance to me. besides being a little surprising, these remarks really struck some nostalgic chords.

what happened almost 2 years ago seems like a dream. thank goodness for gmail sent-mail, since i have a written account of what i was emailing my friends in edmonton from when i was in china:

"...The ironic thing is, that when I first met here 4 months ago she hardly took my breath away - she was just another face at work. Even a month ago, after we had interacted much more, my feelings for here were not that strong - I merely had the sense that perhaps we had the potential to get along. Since then, however, I can only say that with every passing day spent in her company I have fallen for her a little more. The more time I have spent with her, the more I plumbed the depths of her character and person (to the extent that that can be done in a month), the more I began to appreciate her..."

"... hours flew by, as we joked about things as absurd as unicorns and made weird animal noises, discussed the latest developments in international relations, or dived into the world of religion and philosophy and spirituality. But even when no words passed between us, there was no awkwardness or boredom in the silence. The comfort and relaxation and satisfaction I felt in her company covered all our interactions, from inane chatter to the warmth of holding hands to watching BBC international to cooking up a storm..."

"...So we are confronted with what are essentially insurmountable logistical challenges - I am going back to Canada to start medical school, a process that will last the next 9 years, while she is going to stay in China..."

"...I think we will cherish the next few weeks that we have with one another as best that we can. It would be nice if things could go on longer, if circumstances were different, but I suppose you play with the hand that you are dealt. I will endeavor to enjoy the time we have and not cling to the memories after we part ways. So do I regret what I have done, getting to know her in spite of knowing the ending before even the beginning was written? I know that saying goodbye will be sad, but I think, hope that this is more than offset by meeting someone I connected so well with and who has taught me so much..."

well, things lasted a bit longer that i thought they would, and i fell a bit harder than i thought i would. i recall thinking i would give up anything to make things last: i would have thrown away every single friendship (and i value friendships very highly), to make things last; i was even contemplating throwing away the idealism that drives most of what i do too. it is astounding the degree to which rationality can be subsumed by emotion and passion.
_______________

it's almost 2010, and while i am technically 2 years older i feel so much younger. in beijing, it was as if i had a taste of what grown-up life is like; now, i am back to being a kid. but this isn't necessarily a bad thing. i feel as if there is something to be cherished from every different environment you find yourself living in.

so here i am, a 'baby asian' (my ex's nickname for me) once more. the future will come - in the meanwhile, it's good to savor the present.