yan yan returns

tomorrow my mother is returning from china. she has been gone since early september, an absence of almost 2.5 months.

since she has left, my dad and i have been eating rather unhealthily (i swear i go to macdonald's at least twice a week), her plants that i promised to water (and that i do!) have been slowly dying but have hopefully not passed the point of no return, and the house is drifting slowly into a state of dilapidation (i exaggerate, but we haven't even vacummed since she left).

my mother and i have an interesting relationship. i often can't stand her incessant nagging and her frequent bouts of irrational fear (jia! don't go out in the rain, you get hit by lightning!). i probably shouldn't make fun of her when she is incapable of defending herself so i'll stop now.

it is interesting how difficult it can be to love those that are the closest to us. i wonder if it's because we become so familiar with them that we take them for granted. or perhaps it's because we know them so well that the bad parts of their character outweigh the good in our minds. or maybe we just lose the veneer of politeness we maintain in the day-to-day for strangers, acquaintences, and even friends. i must confess i find it very difficult to love my mother, in spite of all that she has sacrificed for me; and she has sacrificed eons more than i could imagine sacrificing for another single human being. if ever i need to be reminded of the darkness of my soul, then i need look no farther than how i have treated my mother. i could make a list of the reasons why, but at the end of the day, do they really matter?

so tomorrow yan yan will be back. for once, though, i find myself awaiting her return. i am sure i miss the food she cooks and the general order she brings, but i think that i might just (fingers-crossed!) miss her lively presence in my life.